Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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