I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
