She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
