so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
