Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
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