I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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