when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
