Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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