Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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