this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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