ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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