I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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