oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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