think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
