Rock
Scissors
Fuck
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
