I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Your penis caused this!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
