Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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