i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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