Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I cockslap morals
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
