Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
