Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
