U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
