sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
