The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
