i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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