i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
