It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
