If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
