I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
