In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
