So drunk its hurt
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
