I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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