Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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