nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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