He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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