Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
