I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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