sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
