I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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