I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
