last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
