She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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