Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
