Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
