I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Im part way to drunk.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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