um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
