smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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