Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
