I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
