Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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