i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
