failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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