Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
