i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Less talking, more tequila
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
